Pretending to be a Writer

The Shore was originally going to come out in the first week of the Easter holiday, leaving me time to finish teaching and make my leisurely way down to the general London area before things could start happening. Then the publication date moved, and 'leisurly' turned to 'breakneck': everything has suddenly begun happening at once, and my students are probably wondering if I've been struck with amnesia and wandered off into the hinterlands under the impression that I am really a bunny rabbit. 

The good thing about everything suddenly happening at once is that I don't have enough time to settle comfortably into abject terror; by the time I reach the mild panic stage whatever I'm scared to be doing is already half over. 

Last week I went into London to sign about 600 books for Goldsboro, which was just plain fun, and was interviewed by Kirsty Lang for BBC Radio 4's Front Row, which was only terrifying at the beginning. The terror was well compensated for by being allowed into Broadcasting House, which is one of those experiences I didn't know I was allowed to hope for. 

And last night I got to participate in an "In Conversation" with Catherine Chanter, author of the fantastic novel The Well, at Dulwich Books in London. Being allowed to speak with such a well-read person about something we both love was wonderfully indulgent, and Catherine's allusions to Barthes nearly caused me to spontaneously combust with joy, but I didn't because there was an audience, and one oughtn't to combust in front of an audience that has gathered to hear one speak. Given that public speaking is reportedly the most common human fear, and that writers tend to be solitary by nature, it seems to me that it must have been a uniquely sadistic individual that decided that having writers talk in front of people would be a good idea. I'm quite sure that if I hadn't spent this term teaching I wouldn't have gotten through the evening. It was an almost ideal first event though, and supposedly the more of them I participate in the easier they will be. 

The next be-a-writer-in-public event I get to take part in is the Cambridge Literary Festival, on the 19th of April; since the panel is being run by Ali Smith there is a distinct possibility that I will be struck dumb by the adoration that seems to be common to those people who have had Ali as a teacher in the past. The Front Row interview airs on the third of April, so it's also possible that I will be struck dumb with horror at what my voice actually sounds like.