A bit about censorship for Banned Book Week.

I realized on Monday that it was Banned Book Week, and, given the nature of my work, I decided that I really should put something out into the world related to censorship.

This realization was repeated on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and this morning. So it should be apparent what kind of week this was. And, I suppose, what kind of summer it's been. So before I procrastinate myself into next month, I'm going to say a few words on Textbook Content Guidelines.

To reduce the past year's research into a few bullet points:

1. Textbooks must conform to certain sets of content guidelines if they are going to be printed or bought by schools.

2. Some of the guidelines are written by school boards, others are written by the textbook publishers for internal use.

3. Though the impulse directing most of the guidelines is usually noble, the results are often ridiculous.

Not surprisingly, lists of guidelines tend to be a bit difficult to track down, especially the ones used by publishers to pick through their own textbooks before release. But the ones that I have tracked down, besides being key to my thesis, tend to make an amusing read when I can suppress the knowledge that they're shaping the education of U.S. children and teenagers.

So, with just a bit of commentary, here are some real textbook guidelines that have made my supervisor laugh with disbelief:

Topics to avoid on tests, because they might upset or distract the student:

Yachting

Witchcraft and witches, except in historical context in Massachusetts. (Because the Salem Witches were the only real witches, I suppose?)

Vacations in faraway places, ski trips, and other expensive items beyond the reach of all. (guess that means healthcare in the States is out.)

Unhealthy foods (because if they don't mention it, kids will stop eating cookies.)

Typhoons

Transportation

Thanksgiving

Sports

Serious car accidents (implying that funny car accidents are a-ok.)

Rock and roll music

Rats, mice, roaches, snakes, lice

Pumpkins

Native American religious references

Movies

Life on other planets, aliens and flying saucers

Brand-name products or corporate logos (would a band-aid, by any other name, still fall off in the bath?)

Aspirin or any other drug 

Birthday celebrations

Blizzards

Getting more specific, Foods to avoid in textbooks:

Bacon or salt pork

Butter, margarine, or lard

Coffee

Dougnuts

Gravy

Cakes, including Birthday cakes, or pies

Candy

Jams, Jellies, Preserves

Pickles

Salt

Sugar

Tea

Which, I suppose, rules out all of the dinner table scenes from the Little House on the Prarie books that are most of what I remember from being read them before bed when I was little. 

Moving right along, Topics to avoid in Textbooks:

Anthropomorphism in nonfiction

Conflict with authority (because if we don’t give students the idea, they’ll never find out that teenage rebellion is an option)

Controvercial people, such as Malcolm X (Along with all the other historical figures worth writing about)

Creation myths that present alternatives to Biblical creation 

Dialect (Everyone speaks the same, don't they?)

Ethnic groups in desperate situations 

Poor nutrition and eating habits

Stories about slavery

Unpunished transgression (life is always fair!)

Winter holidays

Under normal circumstances, I'd properly cite all of these, but their authors (the publishers) have made it clear that they do not want to be associated with the guidelines. That and all of my critical notes are up in Norwich and I'm down in Reading.

And since it's also roughly related to banned books: One-Star Book Reviews has spent the week posting the covers of banned books accompanied by the most outrageous challenges made to them. Check it out.

And now, kindly excuse me while I go spoon my hot water bottle and will my cold away.