Have you tried turning it off and then on again?

I'm a week into the PhD, and I've come to the conclusion that the administration is broken. Bluescreen Red-ring-of-death stab Caesar and ride off into the sunset singing "Oklahoma!" broken. Either that, or it really is an old boy's club where you pay your dues by figuring out what you're supposed to be doing and faking it until then.

For the first time in my academic history, the bare minimum is no longer "show up," and that's both thrilling and terrifying. I've got a rough list of things I have to do before I can graduate in three years - mostly personal and professional development courses, but some of it looks fun - and they're leaving me and my supervisor to get to it; the first real deadline I have is the upgrade panel in May. Which is already terrifying, as I have to deliver the revised draft of my novel to my publisher in March. My approach to revision is to occupy the living room couch for ten hours a day six days a week until it's finished, which is a great way to revise but isn't really great if I'm supposed to be doing anything else at the same time. Like remembering to eat regularly. Or producing the material required for an upgrade panel.

So, what does a UEA PhD in Creative and Critical writing look like in the first week? And what exactly am I doing with my time?

Pictured: my initial background reading: books at the back, JSTOR articles at the front. There would be more, but the Library has a 20 book limit. Also the novel I'm almost finished drafting. Also the glass I clean pen nibs in. Also my pocket flask - I swear it's empty. Also my Phi Beta Kappa cords. 

First (and foremost, because I can't fake knowledge for once), I get to audit Henry's crime fiction class - I'm not sure if this is voluntary or forced, because he is my primary supervisor and I'm pretty sure I was going to have to do it at some point. There isn't too much reading to do, but he makes up for that by tossing out writing assignments as we leave class (ten minutes late). This week I'm supposed to come up with a detailed outline for a crime novel and a decent first paragraph.

Second, there are the PPD seminars, which I finally get to sign up for by myself and attend by myself, though Henry is supposed to make sure I do enough of them to graduate on time; they sound both useful and time-wasty at once, but I don't know for sure just yet.

There's also the weekly research seminar, where we all come together and talk about What We've Been Working On. That started yesterday, but I'm still not so sure what is supposed to be accomplished in those sessions.

The big thing, though, are the supervisor meetings, which happen every few weeks and consist of Henry or Dr. Potter talking and me scribbling down furious notes and trying to spell writers' names correctly, then trudging to the library to take out books, print out JSTOR articles, and wonder if I can ILL things or if I have to buy them. I'm still getting through the reading and doing what they told me to do part; right now that consists of "getting to grips with the history of censorship" and plotting out the novel I'll be writing.

I'm happy that I made it this far, but I periodically stop and scream in horror at the mound of books on my desk.